BOTA - NINJA VS. SAMURAI

BATTLE OF THE ARCHETYPES
ASIAN DIVISION

NINJAS VS. SAMURAI

Judge: We head to the far east for this face-off between the two classic figures of Asian entertainment - the ninja and the samurai. Speed vs. strength, stealth vs. honor - who will prevail? Representing the ninja we have Hideki of the Blood Lotus Clan. And for the samurai we have Kambei Shimada. Hideki - the ninjas may go first.


Ninjas: Thank you, honorable judge. I have one humble request before we begin - may I deliver our argument in the form of classic Japanese poetry - a haiku?


J: Um...sure, what the hell. Go for it.


N: Thank you. My first statement:

Perfect assassins.
Formless and invisible,
Ninjas are the wind.

Samurai: You are honorless dogs. Ninjas are cowards! It is right that you compare yourself to the wind, for you have no substance - no heart, no soul, and no guts. You are afraid to stand and fight because you know you would be crushed. Pathetic.



N:

Shadow in shadow.

No man is beyond our grasp.
We are silent death.

S: We the samurai are perfect warriors! The katana is the ultimate weapon. Service to our lord is all. Our way is the way of bushido! When we fail and dishonor ourselves, we perform the rite of seppuku, and cut out our own intestines. Our armor is thick, our arms are strong, and we do not know fear!



N:

Armor is heavy.
It traps a man in a shell.
Slow, easy to kill.

J: Okay, this is a very poetic face-off and everything, but we're going to have to move on to-


S: Urk!


J: Excuse me?


S: *DIES*


J: Well I'll be damned. Somebody threw a poisoned ninja star into his neck, right through this gap in his armor. How the hell did that happen?


N:

This is a lesson.
And all men should take notice:
Don't fuck with ninjas.

J: Well said, Hideki. Since the representative of the samurai is lying dead in a pool of his own blood, I guess that means the ninjas are the winners!