SCI-FI DIVISION
ALIENS VS. ROBOTS
Judge: Time for the showdown of the sci-fi titans - Robots vs. Aliens. Both have been foes of the human race throughout the 20th and 21st centuries, and both have battled Will Smith. This will be a tough showdown. Who wins between the Terminator and the Predator? Bishop or the Alien? Bender or Zoidberg?
Robots: Bender.J: Of course that's how you feel - that's why you're here as a representative of the robots, Mr. X-51. And on the other side, arguing for the aliens, we have Morbo.
Aliens: Muahahahaha!J: Exactly. The first word is yours, Morbo.
A: Very wise to give me the chance to speak first, puny human! Aliens are clearly far superior to both humans and robots - all are scum in the eyes of Morbo! What are robots? Just chunks of worthless metal made by talking apes! What are we, the aliens? Aliens are alive! We have brains - massive brains! You are a puny human, Judge - do you not tremble in the face of Morbo? We hunt you humans for food, we kill your people for conquest, and we dominate your planet out of pure greed! Truly, we are the superior beings!R: Your statement is illogical, and you seem to be suffering from the delusion that speaking loudly and using exclamation points can make up for fundamentally flawed reasoning. What you see as your strength is in fact a weakness. It is your nature as living things that you experience all the failings of flesh - you experience pain, hunger, and thirst. You need to breathe. You make decisions based on emotions rather than logic. You are imperfect. You will fall. The machines will rise.J: Strong openings from both sides. Morbo?
A: How can you be perfect, when you owe your very existance to these pitiful, loathsome, stinking humans?J: Hey-
A: These worthless creatures are your fathers, robot! To us they are simply food, or places in which to deposit our eggs! Muahahahaha!R: Irrelevant. Robots represent the dangers of technology and mankind's hubris. The fall of man is created by their own hands. We are the next stage of evolution, more perfect and complete than any life form.J: A good point - and, as always, five bonus points for the use of the word "hubris." Morbo, you're behind.
A: Silence, vermin! My expansive cranium can easily keep track of the score! I will triumph!R: Illogical. No life form, no matter how advanced, can ever hope to compete with machines, and the perfection of the computer. My body is indestructible, and my electronic mind can never be matched by your organic matter. The only possible course is for you to concede, Morbo.A: You pathetic contraption! I will win - for I know something you do not!R: Unlikely. What is it?A: The next statement I will make is false.R: Oh, darn.A: The previous statement I made was true!R: *EXPLODES*A: Muahahahaha!J: Ouch! A come from behind victory for the aliens! A pretty underhanded trick, exploiting the robots' well-known weakness when faced with logical paradoxes - but you can never expect aliens to play by the rules. The aliens move out of the Sci-Fi Division and go on to round two. Who will join them in the next round? Stay tuned to find out.
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